Today is National Day, one of the rare long holidays, second only to the New Year. Over the past decade, I have always spent it with my children. However, this year is quite special. Many circumstances beyond my control have forced me to face reality and choose to spend the day in solitude and calm.
For me, a day like this isn’t much different from any other day over the past several months. Continuing from yesterday’s draft, I finished a more than 7,000-word paper titled On the Fundamental Differences between Eastern and Western Economics in Their Theoretical Foundations this morning, as my tribute to the 75th anniversary of the founding of my country. What I refer to as “Eastern Economics” is actually the social philosophy that has supported China’s economic prosperity for over 2,000 years. It emphasizes the “moral” value of altruism, which stands in sharp contrast to Western economics’ focus on “self-interest” and the maximization of individual benefits. However, in the current academic environment in China, it is very difficult to publish a paper in a core journal. So, I’m thinking of publishing it on my own website.
Thinking about how everyone is on holiday these days, I plan to relax this afternoon. It’s been more than 6 months since I last turned on the TV. From the movie recommendations, I quickly found a film that caught my eye: The Theory of Everything, which tells the life story of Stephen Hawking. The movie is adapted from the memoir Travelling to Infinity: My Life with Stephen, written by his first wife, Jane.
I once played the role of Jane in Jane Eyre during a high school English drama performance. I still remember Jane’s self-introduction: “My name is Jane, I have no father or mother, no brother or sister…” From the beginning, I put myself in the shoes of Jane in the movie, feeling her wisdom, kindness, and courage.
As a fellow woman, Jane is admirable, though no one would envy or try to emulate her. It’s important to understand that when Hawking was diagnosed with ALS, he was only 21, hadn’t finished his PhD, and it was uncertain whether he would ever graduate. The doctors had given him a life expectancy of only 2 years. Yet, Jane unhesitatingly chose to marry him. Nowadays, every Chinese mother-in-law would likely strongly oppose such a decision, as it would mean their daughter facing an abnormal family life and enduring extraordinary hardships. As Jane later recalled in her memoir: “This book is a tribute to a once fierce love, but also a lament over how the material realities of life, much like cancer, corrode it after the fireworks of romance have faded. It is a detailed account of a very unique marriage and the process of watching this once vibrant relationship die, weighty and eye-opening.”（couldn’t find the original English version, this is the translated words, as follows.）
She was incredibly strong, silently bearing it all. She devoted herself to caring for her gravely ill husband, gave birth to 3 children for him, and endured hardships and misunderstandings that most people couldn’t fathom. However, after 25 years of marriage, Hawking, the one she had cared for so devotedly, asked for a separation. Jane replied: “I have loved you, I did my best.”
In the long river of time, all things that seem beautiful will eventually change, and eternal beauty can never be seen. Jane wrote with a touch of sadness, “All the courage to persevere for love, the determination to believe that love can conquer fate, and even love itself, all turned to ashes in the face of time.”
When Hawking attended the premiere of the film and watched it in full, he shed a tear. By that time, he was already 72, living 50 years longer than the 2 years the doctors initially predicted. At that time, his second marriage had ended, and he was lived with Jane and her husband as part of the family.
Hawking himself was also someone deeply sensitive about love. In one of his speeches, he once said: “It’s truly wonderful to not only love each other but also get along well. Out of billions of people in the world, sometimes you meet someone in a flash of chance — bumping into each other around a corner, or meeting after tying your shoelaces and standing up, or falling in love over a cup of coffee — and it all happens in less than a minute, yet the love can be so deep. What we love is the shape that love takes for us, it bubbles up in our eyes before we even realize it. But sometimes, just when you’re thinking about what to wear on the next date, it may end because of differences in personality, values, or even something like incompatible zodiac signs or religious beliefs. Before you have time to miss them, it’s already become a memory. Before you have time to be happy, the tears of sorrow are already falling…”
Hawking was unfortunate, but to have met such a woman, how lucky he was.
Love is always a matter between two people because it’s not a solo performance; no matter how well you act on your own, it doesn’t count. Therefore, having a perfectly happy relationship from start to finish is truly harder than reaching the stars. You think you can’t forget a certain person, but in reality, you can’t forget a memory. You dwell on all the good things about him, but when you’re actually together, everything may not be as wonderful. So, if you like someone a little, maybe that person is just perfectly ideal in your heart — just right. Any more, or any step further, might be too much.
Hawking’s words, a message to myself at this moment: “There should be no boundaries to human effort. We are all different. However bad life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at. Where there’s life, there’s hope.”
Love is not the entirety of life, but it may be an experience we need to go through. As long as you keep trying to live, there’s always hope.